catherine banson
Ugh, homework!

Homework can bring us to our knees — “Just, will you JUST, finish it ALREADY!?” It’s hard to like ourselves as we scream, judge, blame and compare when we’ve flipped our lid. And, once we’re calm, it’s difficult to let go of the guilt. It’s crazy making stuff that we want to be SO DONE with.

Ugh, homework!
stories
catherine banson
The Crystal-Hearted Princess (A Story for ...

Over the years, a number of parents have been concerned about their child’s hesitance to assert themselves. I wrote the tale below in 2014 with that (and a very special girl) in mind. I like to imagine living in a kingdom where our leader models assertive Confrontive I-Messages! Here’s how one such person came to be so wise.

The Crystal-Hearted Princess (A Story for Assertiveness)
teens/tweens
catherine banson
Digital Use: A Deep Dive into Attachment

Without a secure bond with a trusted, stable adult, kids are more prone to social media addiction. The nature of Internet communication leads to a digital intimacy that falls short of authentic, vulnerable relationships so they keep grasping for more approval and acceptance.


Digital Use: A Deep Dive into Attachment
catherine banson
When Only One Child Cooperates - Aaghh!

It's so easy to feel aggressive when we impute bad intentions to our kids -- e.g. He's deliberately NOT writing the invites to get a rise out of me. If we pause to contemplate the spins we put on kids' behaviors, we just might choose not to believe them.

When Only One Child Cooperates - Aaghh!
teens/tweens
catherine banson
Empathy in Action! How I Active Listened my 17 ...

He grinned down. I grinned up. Then, shaking my head in wonder, I went to my journal to record this remarkable conversation.

"Remarkable" because the old Catherine would not have known what to do. I probably would have peppered him with questions, "What's wrong? Well, have you tried approaching him again? Did you ask him why you you got that score? Have you gone over the rubric - maybe you missed something?"

Empathy in Action! How I Active Listened my 17 yo

feelings

Becoming a Model - P.G.D. #3

Becoming a Model - P.G.D. #3

There's no doubt that my children are watching.

They have tried some of my strategies -- Jake, who's 15, likes the Headspace app on my phone -- but, more importantly, they see me vulnerable and open. I don't share too much of my childhood, just what I think is appropriate for them to know. But they appreciate my admission that when I fly off the handle or fall into a defensive, mistrustful stance that my behavior has nothing to do with their inherent goodness and everything to do with my own journey of healing.

And that kind of thing happens less and less. Oh, thank goodness! Working on communication skills, tending to my inner child and increasing my mindfulness helps me to choose actions and words that fit the situation and child in front of me now, today, in the present moment. 

Behold! Your Line of Acceptance

Behold! Your Line of Acceptance

Something comes into focus as we consider the groupings on the poster we have drawn up:

It is primarily the many factors within ourselves -- TOTALLY INDEPENDENT of the child's behavior -- that affect our receptiveness to it. 

Whoa. 

This is a huge reckoning for the many of us who have been in the habit of blaming our children for our response to them: "You are making me so mad!"

But it is also most freeing because of what it implies . . . 

My perfect witness

My perfect witness

Harrison, as you turn another year older, I wanted to tell you about my reframe. 

Instead of being my sorriest victim, I like to imagine you now as the perfect witness to my change. I hope you can draw strength from my journey as you face your own inevitable, painful challenges (some of which, yes, are based in childhood experiences).

Committed to Congruence

Committed to Congruence

I had been so mired in the habit of ignoring myself that I faced the steepest of learning curves. I discovered that, when upset, I was grossly incongruent in the way I interacted with the outside world and, sadly, my kids. What I usually showed was only a sliver of the truth. Not surprisingly, the words I was most facile with on the feelings list were those that had to do with anger. 

 
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