secondary emotion

So . . . What About Anger?

So . . . What About Anger?

With all the talk in P.E.T. about how anger is a secondary emotion, however, some participants have seemed stumped and even sheepish when trying to identify their feelings

"All I know is I'm angry, but I'm not supposed to feel that, am I?"

"I know I have to find what's beneath the anger but what do I do about the fact that I want to strangle my kid?"

Gee, I guess we all must have missed the school lesson on how to deal with anger. Hah! So few of us -- are there any? -- have been supported with processing any emotion, much less this biggie.

Doing this important work now, though, means we can give a ginormous gift to our children through modeling and consulting!

My perfect witness

My perfect witness

Harrison, as you turn another year older, I wanted to tell you about my reframe. 

Instead of being my sorriest victim, I like to imagine you now as the perfect witness to my change. I hope you can draw strength from my journey as you face your own inevitable, painful challenges (some of which, yes, are based in childhood experiences).

Stop the whining! -- P.G.D. #2

Stop the whining! -- P.G.D. #2

Something was wanting my attention.

I paused with my forehead on the doorjamb of the master bathroom. I knew I needed to reflect on this something. But, tiredly, I thought, I don't have time for this. I can't believe I have to do this. Do I have to? Really?  

Yet I knew from experience that it was the only way out.

Committed to Congruence

Committed to Congruence

I had been so mired in the habit of ignoring myself that I faced the steepest of learning curves. I discovered that, when upset, I was grossly incongruent in the way I interacted with the outside world and, sadly, my kids. What I usually showed was only a sliver of the truth. Not surprisingly, the words I was most facile with on the feelings list were those that had to do with anger.