values

P.E.T. & Trump Conversations

P.E.T. & Trump Conversations

While my ire was directed at Trump (and, momentarily, his wife), I drew a line at my fellow Americans. I couldn’t in good conscience put down or label almost half of my country, or presume to know what was going on in their minds and hearts. 

I still believed Thomas Gordon's assertion that all behavior seeks to meet needs. Their vote was doing something FOR themselves, and not TO me, and I wanted to understand what that something was.

Lots to Be Thankful For

Lots to Be Thankful For

Last year, a friend described senior year (Year 13 in HK) as "excruciating," joking that she'd be relieved when her son, after dragging his feet for months on his college applications, finally took off. I just nodded nervously: would that be me? 

Not so! I am deeply grateful I am enjoying Harrison's last year.

And then there's the Q & A session Jake held recently for my class participants . . . 

Punctuality -- C.U.E. #8

Punctuality -- C.U.E. #8

I initially wanted to say that my values were:

  • Punctuality shows respect for others
  • Punctuality is a good sign of self-discipline 

But there was more to it when I started thinking about where these values came from. My mother (I focus on her because my father passed away when I was two) did not model rigid punctuality. 

I realized my strictness comes from the keen discomfort I feel (less and less now but it's still there!) when people are displeased with me. 

My perfect witness

My perfect witness

Harrison, as you turn another year older, I wanted to tell you about my reframe. 

Instead of being my sorriest victim, I like to imagine you now as the perfect witness to my change. I hope you can draw strength from my journey as you face your own inevitable, painful challenges (some of which, yes, are based in childhood experiences).

Get Hired, Not Fired -- C.U.E. #5

Get Hired, Not Fired -- C.U.E. #5

We are motivated by love. We fervently want our children to adopt our closely held values to improve, not our lives, but THEIRS. But how best to pass them on? The problem is that most parents have never had a chance to think about or practice this. That's where P.E.T. can help, but it's hard stuff. 

I turned up the heat on summer homework -- C.U.E. #3

I turned up the heat on summer homework -- C.U.E. #3

At the beginning of the summer, Claudia set herself to doing 20 minutes of Chinese a day and packed a fiction book and a fresh notebook for this purpose. Over one month in, she had done less than two hours.

My Son Won't Go Back to Camp! -- C.U.E. #2

My Son Won't Go Back to Camp! -- C.U.E. #2

The pressure to guilt-trip him was great. His basketball coach and tons of parents would say, "You just go out there and do it. You don't quit and you don't waste your parent's money." "Do you see?" I asked. "This is what I'm dealing with from the outside and also from within because it's just such a huge amount!" 

Independence Day P.E.T.-Style

Independence Day P.E.T.-Style

Upon leaving the house, I kept my mouth shut and did not mention homework in any way, shape or form nor did I discuss League of Legends (you may remember from last week that L.O.L. was his siren call). I simply nonchalantly waved “Buh-bye!” to Harrison, who was still in his pajamas. Under my breath I repeated that day's mantras: "His homework is not my problem" and "I can choose to be a new kind of mom!"

7 Reasons I'm Thankful I Took P.E.T.

7 Reasons I'm Thankful I Took P.E.T.

Getting home base under control was the crucial first step in our family's progress toward mindful, assertive and empathetic communication. 

So, here's what P.E.T. has meant for me, countdown style . . .

My Sweet 16th Mothers' Day

My Sweet 16th Mothers' Day

So, it was not that surprising when, among the video footage, we came across an interview my husband did a few years ago but never shared with me. It was the day before my birthday and my husband was fishing for compliments on my behalf, asking Harrison: “What's great about Mommy, why do you love her?"