catherine banson
Ugh, homework!

Homework can bring us to our knees — “Just, will you JUST, finish it ALREADY!?” It’s hard to like ourselves as we scream, judge, blame and compare when we’ve flipped our lid. And, once we’re calm, it’s difficult to let go of the guilt. It’s crazy making stuff that we want to be SO DONE with.

Ugh, homework!
stories
catherine banson
The Crystal-Hearted Princess (A Story for ...

Over the years, a number of parents have been concerned about their child’s hesitance to assert themselves. I wrote the tale below in 2014 with that (and a very special girl) in mind. I like to imagine living in a kingdom where our leader models assertive Confrontive I-Messages! Here’s how one such person came to be so wise.

The Crystal-Hearted Princess (A Story for Assertiveness)
teens/tweens
catherine banson
Digital Use: A Deep Dive into Attachment

Without a secure bond with a trusted, stable adult, kids are more prone to social media addiction. The nature of Internet communication leads to a digital intimacy that falls short of authentic, vulnerable relationships so they keep grasping for more approval and acceptance.


Digital Use: A Deep Dive into Attachment
catherine banson
When Only One Child Cooperates - Aaghh!

It's so easy to feel aggressive when we impute bad intentions to our kids -- e.g. He's deliberately NOT writing the invites to get a rise out of me. If we pause to contemplate the spins we put on kids' behaviors, we just might choose not to believe them.

When Only One Child Cooperates - Aaghh!
teens/tweens
catherine banson
Empathy in Action! How I Active Listened my 17 ...

He grinned down. I grinned up. Then, shaking my head in wonder, I went to my journal to record this remarkable conversation.

"Remarkable" because the old Catherine would not have known what to do. I probably would have peppered him with questions, "What's wrong? Well, have you tried approaching him again? Did you ask him why you you got that score? Have you gone over the rubric - maybe you missed something?"

Empathy in Action! How I Active Listened my 17 yo

child-child conflict

Fights (Part 2/2): Preventing Them in the First Place

Fights (Part 2/2): Preventing Them in the First Place

In the first entry, we laid out a plan for dousing a physical flare-up between siblings.

Over time, that kind of calm leadership models behavior kids take on themselves. We send a message that conflict -- that unavoidable marker of human interaction -- is a chance to get in touch with feelings and needs; to express them assertively; to open up to another's perspective; to make repairs and, finally, to grow closer. 

Now, what else can we do to keep the landscape so well irrigated that these fires are less likely to occur?

Fights (Part 1/2) - My Kids Are In the Middle of One!

Fights (Part 1/2) - My Kids Are In the Middle of One!

A parent recently wrote: I'm having trouble with hitting. Do you have a P.E.T.-approved way to stop physical violence between brothers?

This is tough! 

In this post, we'll do a skills walkthrough on how to help -- let's call them -- Sean and Jack; in the next, we'll work on prevention.

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What I Learn From Teens

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What I Learn From Teens

These teens work hard.

Some are lucky -- they take the course with friends who will whisper, "Hey, send an I-Message!" or check, "Do you want me to Active Listen or do you want my advice?"

Others -- buoyed only by an 18 hour respite where they got to glimpse another reality -- reenter a world defined by winners and losers, full of blame and shame and "I get the last word."

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Letting Go of the Story

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Letting Go of the Story

"One way under the anger and blame you are both feeling is to ask yourself: If I had to let go of the story of how the other person is wrong, what would I have to feel?"

 
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