catherine banson
Ugh, homework!

Homework can bring us to our knees — “Just, will you JUST, finish it ALREADY!?” It’s hard to like ourselves as we scream, judge, blame and compare when we’ve flipped our lid. And, once we’re calm, it’s difficult to let go of the guilt. It’s crazy making stuff that we want to be SO DONE with.

Ugh, homework!
stories
catherine banson
The Crystal-Hearted Princess (A Story for ...

Over the years, a number of parents have been concerned about their child’s hesitance to assert themselves. I wrote the tale below in 2014 with that (and a very special girl) in mind. I like to imagine living in a kingdom where our leader models assertive Confrontive I-Messages! Here’s how one such person came to be so wise.

The Crystal-Hearted Princess (A Story for Assertiveness)
teens/tweens
catherine banson
Digital Use: A Deep Dive into Attachment

Without a secure bond with a trusted, stable adult, kids are more prone to social media addiction. The nature of Internet communication leads to a digital intimacy that falls short of authentic, vulnerable relationships so they keep grasping for more approval and acceptance.


Digital Use: A Deep Dive into Attachment
catherine banson
When Only One Child Cooperates - Aaghh!

It's so easy to feel aggressive when we impute bad intentions to our kids -- e.g. He's deliberately NOT writing the invites to get a rise out of me. If we pause to contemplate the spins we put on kids' behaviors, we just might choose not to believe them.

When Only One Child Cooperates - Aaghh!
teens/tweens
catherine banson
Empathy in Action! How I Active Listened my 17 ...

He grinned down. I grinned up. Then, shaking my head in wonder, I went to my journal to record this remarkable conversation.

"Remarkable" because the old Catherine would not have known what to do. I probably would have peppered him with questions, "What's wrong? Well, have you tried approaching him again? Did you ask him why you you got that score? Have you gone over the rubric - maybe you missed something?"

Empathy in Action! How I Active Listened my 17 yo

I-Messages

Fights (Part 2/2): Preventing Them in the First Place

Fights (Part 2/2): Preventing Them in the First Place

In the first entry, we laid out a plan for dousing a physical flare-up between siblings.

Over time, that kind of calm leadership models behavior kids take on themselves. We send a message that conflict -- that unavoidable marker of human interaction -- is a chance to get in touch with feelings and needs; to express them assertively; to open up to another's perspective; to make repairs and, finally, to grow closer. 

Now, what else can we do to keep the landscape so well irrigated that these fires are less likely to occur?

5 Ways to Stay In the No Problem Zone

5 Ways to Stay In the No Problem Zone

When the sailing is smooth, there are skills we can actively reach for to keep us in those calm waters longer! Here are the five that I cover in class. 

Bullying & the Behavior Window: The Bystander & Prevention, Part 3/3

Bullying & the Behavior Window: The Bystander & Prevention, Part 3/3

There is no doubt that bystanders play a key role, and many parents yearn to raise kids who are willing to intervene. 

The Behavior Window can help clarify ways to support our children in moving out of passivity and avoiding, to the extent possible, becoming bullies or one of the bullied themselves.

A P.E.T. Glossary

A P.E.T. Glossary

I just thought maybe it’s high time I put all the Behavior Window terms in one post, with some illustrations from our family’s recent past.

Here they are from the top down -- forget about alphabetical order, we are trying to imprint this precious roadmap onto our brains!!

How I Got My Weekends Back

How I Got My Weekends Back

P.E.T. is the reason I now relish these precious 104 days of the year. Knowing what to do and how to do it has given me back a huge chunk of my life.

I thought about this fact last weekend when, in less than 24 hours, I went on quite a roll and executed a whole bunch of P.E.T. skills!

Never mind the pollution, you have practice! - C.U.E. #4

Never mind the pollution, you have practice! - C.U.E. #4

Just a few days ago, I dropped my P.E.T. roadmap (aka the Behavior Window) and ventured into the land of Roadblocks. Even though the trip lasted just a few minutes, it's never fun losing your way like that. 

The Behavior Window is the handy visual that Dr. Thomas Gordon created to help parents get to where we want to go.

Why you should "ruin" a perfectly good day - Inaugural P.G.D. post

Why you should "ruin" a perfectly good day - Inaugural P.G.D. post

What that means, I recently explained to a good friend, is that we wait until there is no high emotion and then reach back to a painful incident and explore it. Many people, I acknowledged, would protest: "Why would I ever ruin a perfectly good day and do something like that?!"

My Son Won't Go Back to Camp! -- C.U.E. #2

My Son Won't Go Back to Camp! -- C.U.E. #2

The pressure to guilt-trip him was great. His basketball coach and tons of parents would say, "You just go out there and do it. You don't quit and you don't waste your parent's money." "Do you see?" I asked. "This is what I'm dealing with from the outside and also from within because it's just such a huge amount!" 

7 Reasons I'm Thankful I Took P.E.T.

7 Reasons I'm Thankful I Took P.E.T.

Getting home base under control was the crucial first step in our family's progress toward mindful, assertive and empathetic communication. 

So, here's what P.E.T. has meant for me, countdown style . . .

 
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